Text Fetish

7 Jul

My phone has an autocorrect function that is not that awesome. Smell, small, smile, smooth, smite, smoothie, etc.=S&M

Yeah, that’s right, anything that begins with sm- automatically gets corrected to a fetish in GIANT CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE THESE. 
The best part about it is that my phone is a sneaky bastard, and wouldn’t correct it until I hit send.
“Those tacos really S&M good.”
Sure, what the hell. Bring on the sadist vagina.

“I’m going to S&M King, want anything?”
Fuck yeah I do!

“I want a S&M coke.”
Whoa. I draw the line at coke. Safe, Sane, Consensual.

“Brandon likes S&M”
Funny now that he’s broken up with the girlfriend I sent it to.

“I want a cherry S&M”
Don’t we all?

“S&M favor?”
Sounds like a hell of a favor.
“Get that S&M off your face.”
Or I’ll whip it off. I’ll beat it off. BEAT IT OFF. Heh.

All real-life examples.

Other fun corrections:

  1. Fucking=ducking (making angry texts sound adorable)
  2. Hell=He’ll (making less angry texts sound speech impediment-y)
  3. Hte=warrants no correction to my phone (the)
  4. fucktard=diciest (what the he’ll? “He’s a diciest,” is not impactful, nor grammatically correct.)

Psychological profile as decided by my phone: Adorable Dominatrix with serious head trauma. 


2 Responses to “Text Fetish”

  1. kdawg October 20, 2010 at 12:16 pm #

    text from my mom, in briefly discussing my paying back student loans: “if a back to school before november 18th dick is hard”…. should have been: if you go back to school before november 18th they can be deferred again”.

    • Noa Gavin October 24, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

      That’s a large amount of times your mom has used, “dick is hard,” to have that come up in predictive text. That is also fucking hilarious.

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