What. The. Fuck.

29 Dec

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS.

Dear Sports Optical Marketing,

This is not okay. This was not flagged as spam.

I am baffled and infuriated at your lack of: 1. Tact and 2. General Good Decision Making in Marketing.

It’s one thing to include the link to your blog/website in a comment you make on a post–you put thought into that comment, so plug away.

BUT I, SPORTS OPTICAL, AM NOT A FUCKING BILLBOARD.

You chose to advertise for yourself, for FREE, in a grammatically incorrect manner on a blog which has absolutely nothing to do with your service.

I live in Dallas. I do not bike.

I do not approve of your bullshit.

Please, dear readers, remember that when you comment, comment well. If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it. Comments are not merely a platform for your free advertisement. Comments are a lifeblood of a blog. I want to hear what you say. I want to know what you think. So do so many other bloggers in this world who work so hard to make you smile, laugh, think, and take a little time out of life for you every day.

Do not. DO NOT. Do not whore me out for your benefit.

Jesus Christ, at least buy me a fucking drink or something.

To my own commenters: I love you. You do so well. You have no idea the joy I feel when I see the comments that you post on my blog. I can’t believe that anyone reads my stuff at all, so when you comment, you make me feel like less of a failure.

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21 Responses to “What. The. Fuck.”

  1. Jenny Chapman December 29, 2010 at 5:42 pm #

    You Rock. Thanks for saying what many of us think when we get spammed – whether in our blog comments, emails, twitter, or our kid’s school sports tee-shirts. Well said.

    • Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 6:11 pm #

      Glad you enjoyed it! I can’t stand getting spammed. I’m glad I’m not the only one getting frustrated.

  2. rachel December 29, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    yeah, that is pretty uncool. I, for one, LOVE your blog…and although this is my first comment to you I promise not to try and sell anything to your readers in this here comment. Oh, and also, I promise to never ever ever go to sports optical marketing. Those bastards.

    • Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

      YES! THOSE BASTARDS! Your first comment ever endeared you to me. So glad you read.

  3. Nowen December 29, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    Noa, you make me laugh so hard, even when you’re ticked. Oh, let’s be honest – you’re funniest when you’re pissed off. 🙂 You have no idea how much I wish you still lived across the alley from me, but at least I can get my Noa laughs here. Thank you so much for starting this blog!!

    Love ya!

    • Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

      Only you can witness my ragers in person.

      Miss you, friend. So much.

  4. elizabeth-flourish in progress December 29, 2010 at 7:24 pm #

    jesus christmas, oh no(a) they di-unt.

    yes, S.O.M., please spam our friend Noa and see what kind of “thumbs up” she gives you on her blog.

    • Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 9:42 pm #

      Imma throw down with SOM. At least I know I can count on you to shank a bitch.

  5. hoodyhoo December 30, 2010 at 6:07 am #

    I think we’re overlooking the fact that these are EYEGLASSES-sellers who are trying to sneak past your finely-honed eye for bullshit… THEY’RE TRYING TO SAY YOU’RE BLIND! Let’s get ’em.

    • Noa Gavin December 31, 2010 at 12:49 am #

      Fuck them. To hell.

      • hoodyhoo December 31, 2010 at 6:11 am #

        Agreed. Fuck them right in the ear-hole.

  6. bloggertobenamedlater December 30, 2010 at 2:26 pm #

    Noa, keep in mind the reason they have posted this in your comments is to up their link text numbers to boost page rankings. In a perfect world, there would be a death ray for these people, but lacking a death ray, all we have is the delete key. I pray for the day when I can send someone to their great reward in a puff of ozone. In the meantime, I am left pondering why I am getting huge traffic from wikileaks on my most recent post. It’s about dogs for the love of God. Have a great New Years.

    • Noa Gavin December 31, 2010 at 12:48 am #

      My most recent popular search term is granny fucking a tree branch.

  7. Dear Sweet Mama December 30, 2010 at 9:15 pm #

    Not even a handshake or a kiss? Did they send you roses later? Basserds.

    • Noa Gavin December 31, 2010 at 12:47 am #

      I’m too drunk to respond, but what the fuck. I love your comment. Massages. Fuck. That was supposed to say basserds.

      • hoodyhoo January 3, 2011 at 6:16 am #

        dude, I think you may be swearing at my mama. But it’s cool, she likes it like that! : )

      • Noa Gavin January 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

        Yeah. It came across a little off. I wasn’t swearing AT her, I was swearing WITH her.

  8. Kernut the Blond December 31, 2010 at 3:47 pm #

    Bravo! for calling them out. I’ve had a few fall through the Askimet cracks lately. I’ve been contemplating calling out my hacker’s IP’s in a post. Three have been flagged so far.

    Happy New Year!

    • Noa Gavin January 2, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

      Thanks! They’re bitches. It drives me crazy fucking nutso for people to shove their shit in your face–call ’em the fuck out.

  9. Citygirl farmhand January 3, 2011 at 9:23 am #

    One day, I logged onto my admin page and discovered 65 new comments on various posts! I was so excited. I thought some blogger who is awesomer than me and has tons of followers had given me a shout out and now I was getting way more traffic. WRONG O. The Spam Gods had found me instead.
    What’s sadder is that I didn’t even catch on at first and actually replied to one of the spams with a generic “thanks for comment!” Not my finest or most astute moment.

    • Noa Gavin January 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

      Grinds your gears, doesn’t it?

      “I am liking the thurths of this. Pls, I ask, what can david do with such informations?”

      Bastards.

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